Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
