she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
