does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
