He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
