You work out of a Hotel?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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