I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
