Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
