how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
