No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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