I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
