Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
