It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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