Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
