dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
