well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
