when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
