Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
