Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
