we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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