Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
