He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
