He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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