Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
