What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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