she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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