marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
