I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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