Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
