you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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