Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
