Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
