He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
