My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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