Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
