they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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