Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
