By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
