I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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