I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
