I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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