Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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