6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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