remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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