I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
