fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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