im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
