So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
