Redeem this text for a blowjob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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