He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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