oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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