i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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