I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I look better un-naked...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
